redbutterfly137's Xanga

The turning of a new leaf...

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 17:18:51 GMT

Um, so stress has consumed my life of late. It's been hella crazy. But I'm trying this new thing this year... If I have something negative going on, I immediately stop and then take a look at the positive side. I'm hoping this will alleviate stress from my life. Let's rack em up:

NEGATIVE: Grad school hates me. I've had trouble since day one and it hasn't gotten any better. I still can't believe I decided to expose myself to this torture all over again. First off, I'm not fully accepted yet, though I had to find that out on my own when trying to get a deferment for my loans. Yeah, no one bothered to inform me. And you know why? All because I don't have GRE scores yet, which I was expressly told was "OK." Lying bitches. Anyway, then break happened so I could get a hold of ANYONE. Couldn't register for classes, do anything. So the first two weeks of January have been spent running around with my head cut off trying to get things in order. To top it all off, because I'm not fully accepted yet, that means no financial aid. So I'm a sitting duck. They could decide to throw me out on my ass at any moment. I have no guarantee because I have no money staked in this operation yet.

POSITIVE: I am registered now, and moving forward. There are still kinks, but most of the big stuff is out of the way. And my professors seem nice. We have a Post-Baccalaurette meeting this Saturday. Also, if I can just get through this, I'll have a freaking Masters. That's huge. And awesome. Not only the first in my family to get a Bachelors, but next I'll be the first to get a Masters. Very exciting.

NEGATIVE: Remember I was talking about deferment for loans? Yeah, the government moved my payment date on me with me knowing. Instead of Dec 28 being my first payment due date, they moved it to Nov 28. (I didn't find out until Dec 18 or so.) That means I was late in their eyes, so they were charging me for BOTH months on Dec 28. I couldn't even pay one month let alone two. Not to mention, I couldn't get my deferment papers in because I wasn't "fully accepted." Plus it being break, no one there to take pity on me and sign the paper anyway. Needless to say, I was f***ed! The last few weeks in Dec sucked for me.

POSITIVE: Despite being a royal bitch to the guy over the phone when he couldn't answer my questions, someone at Direct Loans immediately put me on forbearance. So I just need to get my deferment in by Feb 28. But even then, because I'm in forbearance, I only have to pay interest.

NEGATIVE: I wrote a play and submitted it to a staged reading event. It wasn't chosen. I was bummed. If you know me, you know how passionate I am about my writing. That sucked.

POSITIVE: The board at Stage-Right I think really likes me and I am one tiny step away from directing their next play. Not to mention, they are interested in me teaching improv and/or other theatrical classes (like Shakespeare). Also, I got into a Melodrama. They're similar t the Murder Mysteries APO used to do. It's in this Texas bar/restaurant type place. You interact with the audience and it's over the top. The audience can even throw things at you. I play the villain: Judge Ima Fiend. It's sort of like a main role. I'm excited about that.

NEGATIVE: My first day of substitute teaching went HORRIBLY. The kids were awful. Completely rude and disrespectful. It wasn't just me. Apparently they treated the other sub that way, and even treat their own teacher like that. It was rough.

POSITIVE: I'm a substitute teacher...lol. It may be rough, but it's good experience for when I need to get a teaching job and it's extra income. I love the museum job, but it's only part-time, and the drive down there (gas) consumes a huge chunk of my paycheck. So I have a way to make extra cash at my own discretion.

NEGATIVE: I miss Angie. I'll warn you now, I have no positive for this yet. But it hurts to be away from her. And she's expressed the same sentiment. I miss all my old friends. It's lonely here. I really don't have any friends yet; just "friends." I don't have anyone to hang out with, joke with, just chill. It's rough. I've spent four lonely months here so far. But mostly I miss Angie. Like aching, torturous missing.

So that's my life right now. I really am trying to focus on the positive. I have a small idea of what I want to do, just don't know how possible it is. The demand for Theatre teachers isn't exactly high on the list right now. I may run into some job-hunt problems down the line. But I'm trying to live in the present. I'm a future girl. I'm always living in the future, which can be a bad thing. So I'll try to enjoy the now. And not sweat the small stuff. I am such a control freak. (No laughing.) I have issues when I can't control everything. I know this. I'm trying to work on it. Trying to realize not to stress over what I can't control...

A Tribue to a Great Man and an Outstanding Writer

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 03:45:21 GMT

Late on December 24th, 2008, Harold Pinter passed away from cancer. For those who do not know, he was a magnificent writer of short stories, plays and screenplays; and also a well-established actor and director. Some of you may remember Jordan Chaddock's 12345 production of Pinter's "The Dumb Waiter," though this is actually not one of his more famous plays. He is most famous for his use of the technique the "Pinter Pause." The man could manipulate silence unlike any other playwright. The reason I am writing this post is because Harold Pinter was a large influence in the beginning of my play writing.

I was first introduced to Pinter and his methods Sophomore year of college during World Theatre and Drama II. Around this time, I had also discovered my knack for writing plays. (Up until then I was mainly a poem and short story kinda gal.) If you have ever read my plays, you will probably notice I use a lot of pauses and silences. My dialogue is very blunt and to the point most of the time, but then I insert pauses to create tension. Three years later, it is still a craft I am perfecting. But my interest in the usage of silence in a theatrical play comes entirely from Pinter. I have always strived to create a similar effect, worthy of comparison to Pinter himself. (Though I doubt such a thing will ever happen.)

I encourage those who are not familiar with Pinter to please look up his plays and read one. He was a briliant writer. It is a sad day for our theatre community to lose such a talented and respected man. And so I grieve...

I always keep a promise...

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 06:07:40 GMT

Oh come on. You know you're curious...

If you comment with your name I'll answer these questions:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
(if possible. If not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me.)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. I'll tell you my favorite thing about you.
9. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you.
10. If you play, you MUST post this on yours.

Um... Update, much?

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:02:59 GMT

Yeah, yeah. I've been slacking on my xanga duties. So sue me...

This weekend is the closing weekend for the play. It has been going really well. We've been sold out every night. We got reviewed, and slammed in that review. Mainly he didn't like the lead actress and the direction of the play. You can't win 'em all. I've felt really great about my performance. I've had energy every night. People love my characterization. It's a nice confidence booster. People are asking me to come audition for other things at other theatres, or to become involved with some independent theatre projects. I've even been invited to join the theatre "posse" down here in Houston. Sweet! Maybe this whole move could be a good thing after all.

Still working on getting my teacher certification. I love the museum job, but it can't support me. It's only part-time. And I don't want to juggle two job for the rest of my life. (Three if you count theatre.) Teaching is the best route for me right now. I love kids. I'd probably go for high school age. I'd love to run the theatre department at a high school, and teach some lit classes. I'd get weekends off, out of work in time for rehearsals, and summer's free to do as I please. But gotta get my certification.

Otherwise, things are smooth. Just stressed about a few things. Missing certain people. Longing for friendships no longer there. Needing some new connections. The usual.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:57:48 GMT

Life's starting to look up a bit....

I hate my job at Pier 1. Nothing against them. In fact, they're one of the better retailers I've worked at. I just REALLY hate retail. So I applied somewhere else and got a new job. The Children's Museum of Houston. I am soooo excited. It utilizes my theatrical skills and I get to work with children, which I am amazing at. No, really. I'm not all mean and corrupting around children. Kids love me. Just ask the little ones I directed in Snow White or YASW. Love me.

I'm excited for this new job, but I hope to only be working there for a few months. Reason being: I decided when I first moved here to Texas that I wanted to look into teaching. I'm great with kids, it's a perfect job time-wise for theatre at night, and I get free vacation time. Perfect. So currently that's what I'm looking in to, hopefully come January. I've just had a hard time getting people to respond to me about grants. The program I will be doing will get me my teacher certification from Texas for free if I agree to stay here and teach for 4 years. Just can't find the info. So this is still "in the works."

The play is going well. My hobo costume is amazing. I look like the sweetest vagrant ever. Our director is doing this show in black and white. So everyone, except the main character, has to wear black, white or grey. That goes for makeup and hair. Which wouldn't be a problem if all three of my characters had wigs....They don't. The main character has red hair. I have red hair. I can't have red hair. What does this mean? ... Jillian is dying her hair black. Yep. Black. This is going to interesting... I'll post pics when I do it. I'm kinda scared. My hair has never been anything but red. Even when I dye it, I keep it in the red family, just lighter or darker. I'm gonna look like a vampire...

Caue I'm bored and this is fun...

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 15:45:54 GMT

1 - Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Random quotations: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.

3 - Go to flickr's "explore the last seven days" http:// www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Put it all together, that's your debut album.

My Band: Frankfurter Museumsorchester

My Debut Album: "Blind Belief in Another"

My Album Cover:
:
http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11">

Monday, October 06, 2008

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:29:31 GMT

Life is okay. I got a job at pier 1 Imports. I'm happy to have a job, but I'm still bummed that it has to be a "day job." I really wish I could have a job that utilizes my talents better. That got me thinking. (I know, scary.) I don't know why it didn't occur to me sooner, but I've decided to apply for the Children's Museum. It's a perfect job. Their Discovery Guides need to work well (and like) children. I do. I adore children. And they always love me back. My YASW kids begged me not to move because they wanted me to direct again next year. My sister-in-law calls me "baby/kid crack." I think that's a compliment... Theatre experience is a plus. We all know I got that. And theatrical showmanship to boot. It really would be an amazing job for me. I'm secure in a job right now, so if they say no, no harm no foul. But it would be really nice. (Especially since Pier 1 doesn't pay much and I'm only getting 15-20 hrs/week.) We'll see.

The play is going well. The camaraderie is coming along a little. Still don't really have any friends here though. It kinda sucks. I miss having people to hang out with, even if it means me hosting a party and having to clean up the mess afterward. (That's right, I actually miss cleaning up after my messy friends.) But at least then I knew I had people. And that those people loved hanging out with me. Even if my laugh was horrendously embarrassing to them in public. Boo new places. They kinda suck for a while in the beginning.

Btw, I think the clock has started ticking. I mean, I've always loved kids. God knows I have a million nieces and nephews. But I really am wanting one of my own. Like for real. Like please God before I'm 30. I recently made a deal with myself: If I'm not married by 28, I'm adopting. Not kidding. I'd be an excellent mother. Lots of single women adopt. And I really want kids. I also had this discussion with my stepmom. We talked about how people always say you should wait till your financially settled before having kids. But we both agreed, the truth is, the way our economy has been these past 10 years, if you wait till you're "financially settled," you'll never have kids. There is no such thing when it comes to having children. So, if by 28, I have a decent job, I'm back to living on my own, I'm content with my situation, and lacking a husband, I am definitely adopting. Call me crazy...

PS. I just watched this really fucked up movie with my dad. It's called Nightwatch. It's a Russian film (though the first and last 5 mins are in English, while the rest is subtitles). It was just weird. It's part of a trilogy. But after it was over, my dad and I looked at each other and were like, "No thanks." Those nutty Russians!

It's not like a hurricane is going to follow you there...

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 02:21:21 GMT

...Oh, well, maybe so then...

Yep. I move to Texas and BAM hello Ike-meister. It was a crazy experience. Growing up in Florida (and partially Texas), I had my share of storms and left-overs from hurricanes. But nothing ever this close. Ike hit 45-60 miles south of me. Conroe got some pretty heavy wind and rain. I felt the house shake. No, really, it SHOOK!!

The bad news: We lost power for almost a week.
The good news: We had a generator to keep our food good and have some fans going.

No serious damage. One small roof patch. Only a couple of unbearably hot days with only fans. We did, however, have to drive 100 miles to get gas for the generator. The gas stations nearby were also without power. And the closest open station had a line of cars going back for miles. We decided better to use gas going further than sitting idly.

Right now, there are still tons of people without power. It's baaaad down in the Galveston/Beaumont areas.

Like whoa. We just got power back the other day. Internet just kicked on today. We'd been using my stepmoms verizon card that she has for work. But it was really slow. Everything is semi back to normal. There are still a few places not quite open in town. Like the library. Which makes me sad, cause I read all my checked out books during the power outtage. Please library! Open!

No other news. Still no job. Damn it all. I've counted--literally 40 jobs. Maybe more cause I can't remember what all I emailed to on Craig's list. Uhhhhh...

Okay, so good stuff DOES happen to me??!!

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:55:44 GMT

Um, so last night I went on my first professional audition. I thought it went terrible. My accent was ok. (1940s New York.) But I didn't really get to showcase myself. Plus, I was one of three people who didn't have a headshot with my resume. The director kept pointing at me instead of saying my name. (She did, however, manage to say everyone else's.) I came home thinking, "Well that sucked. But at least I got my first post-college audition out of the way and now I can keep trying until I get a directing gig."

This morning I get a call. It's the director. Here we go, rejection call. Brace yourself. First thing out of her mouth after introductions, "I loved your audition last night." You were at the same audition as me, right? Then she proceeds to offer me three roles. (She's doubling up the play.) HOLY SHIT!! I was flabbergasted. (The only word worthy.) I had to think twice to realize what she was saying. I never in a million years thought this would happen to me. I was never in a mainstage in college, only APO and ADS stuff. And while my friends thought me to be a decent actress, certain people at VU never thought I was good. Some even commented about me behind my back, saying very nasty things. (I'm sure you can guess who at least one them is...She's on everybody's shit list.) Well, in your face!

Anyway, I am super excited. On cloud 1009. I still don't have a job, which sucks since it's a 45 min-hour drive everyday for rehearsal. Still don't know yet were I'm going to get gas money. But, for the moment, I don't care. I'm just going to bask in the joy of getting my first role(s) in a professional, post-college play!

Hells yeah!

edit: The play is Times Square Angel. I will be playing Annie, Betty, and Stella.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 21:43:56 GMT

Uhaul sucking and not giving us the tow dolly: $0

Food and drinks for the road: $100

Gas for two cars on an 18 hour trip: $300

Two new front tires because one of them blew: $200

Hotel because tire shops aren't open on sundays: $100

Two new back tires because one of them blew (the next day): $200

Emotionally drained, exhausted, tired of driving by myself, and having the worst road trip ever: Priceless?

Yeah. THAT's right. Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. Boo. The only good thing that came out of this: I could cry in the privacy of my own car without my dad knowing. Cause leaving you all sucked ass.

Write more later...