Um, so stress has consumed my life of late. It's been hella crazy. But I'm trying this new thing this year... If I have something negative going on, I immediately stop and then take a look at the positive side. I'm hoping this will alleviate stress from my life. Let's rack em up:
NEGATIVE: Grad school hates me. I've had trouble since day one and it hasn't gotten any better. I still can't believe I decided to expose myself to this torture all over again. First off, I'm not fully accepted yet, though I had to find that out on my own when trying to get a deferment for my loans. Yeah, no one bothered to inform me. And you know why? All because I don't have GRE scores yet, which I was expressly told was "OK." Lying bitches. Anyway, then break happened so I could get a hold of ANYONE. Couldn't register for classes, do anything. So the first two weeks of January have been spent running around with my head cut off trying to get things in order. To top it all off, because I'm not fully accepted yet, that means no financial aid. So I'm a sitting duck. They could decide to throw me out on my ass at any moment. I have no guarantee because I have no money staked in this operation yet.
POSITIVE: I am registered now, and moving forward. There are still kinks, but most of the big stuff is out of the way. And my professors seem nice. We have a Post-Baccalaurette meeting this Saturday. Also, if I can just get through this, I'll have a freaking Masters. That's huge. And awesome. Not only the first in my family to get a Bachelors, but next I'll be the first to get a Masters. Very exciting.
NEGATIVE: Remember I was talking about deferment for loans? Yeah, the government moved my payment date on me with me knowing. Instead of Dec 28 being my first payment due date, they moved it to Nov 28. (I didn't find out until Dec 18 or so.) That means I was late in their eyes, so they were charging me for BOTH months on Dec 28. I couldn't even pay one month let alone two. Not to mention, I couldn't get my deferment papers in because I wasn't "fully accepted." Plus it being break, no one there to take pity on me and sign the paper anyway. Needless to say, I was f***ed! The last few weeks in Dec sucked for me.
POSITIVE: Despite being a royal bitch to the guy over the phone when he couldn't answer my questions, someone at Direct Loans immediately put me on forbearance. So I just need to get my deferment in by Feb 28. But even then, because I'm in forbearance, I only have to pay interest.
NEGATIVE: I wrote a play and submitted it to a staged reading event. It wasn't chosen. I was bummed. If you know me, you know how passionate I am about my writing. That sucked.
POSITIVE: The board at Stage-Right I think really likes me and I am one tiny step away from directing their next play. Not to mention, they are interested in me teaching improv and/or other theatrical classes (like Shakespeare). Also, I got into a Melodrama. They're similar t the Murder Mysteries APO used to do. It's in this Texas bar/restaurant type place. You interact with the audience and it's over the top. The audience can even throw things at you. I play the villain: Judge Ima Fiend. It's sort of like a main role. I'm excited about that.
NEGATIVE: My first day of substitute teaching went HORRIBLY. The kids were awful. Completely rude and disrespectful. It wasn't just me. Apparently they treated the other sub that way, and even treat their own teacher like that. It was rough.
POSITIVE: I'm a substitute teacher...lol. It may be rough, but it's good experience for when I need to get a teaching job and it's extra income. I love the museum job, but it's only part-time, and the drive down there (gas) consumes a huge chunk of my paycheck. So I have a way to make extra cash at my own discretion.
NEGATIVE: I miss Angie. I'll warn you now, I have no positive for this yet. But it hurts to be away from her. And she's expressed the same sentiment. I miss all my old friends. It's lonely here. I really don't have any friends yet; just "friends." I don't have anyone to hang out with, joke with, just chill. It's rough. I've spent four lonely months here so far. But mostly I miss Angie. Like aching, torturous missing.
So that's my life right now. I really am trying to focus on the positive. I have a small idea of what I want to do, just don't know how possible it is. The demand for Theatre teachers isn't exactly high on the list right now. I may run into some job-hunt problems down the line. But I'm trying to live in the present. I'm a future girl. I'm always living in the future, which can be a bad thing. So I'll try to enjoy the now. And not sweat the small stuff. I am such a control freak. (No laughing.) I have issues when I can't control everything. I know this. I'm trying to work on it. Trying to realize not to stress over what I can't control...
Comments (2)
"I have issues when I can't control everything. I know this. I'm trying
to work on it. Trying to realize not to stress over what I can't
control..."
God, do I ever hear you on that one! I have to learn to do the same thing. It's not easy.
Hey lady! I've missed you so much, and I'm sorry to hear about all of these negatives in your life . . . HOWEVER, I'm so glad you're trying to remain positive by reminding yourself of all the good things in your life! Good luck girl! Japan is great, let me know when you want to come visit!